Elevator
by VanillaMostly
Summary: An awkward encounter in an elevator leads to...? "Right," he said. "The night you kidnapped me and tried to rape me." SasuSaku
1. HER

I've had this elevator idea going for a loooooong time but was never able to make something from it. Now I have! Enjoy.

Warning: there's some profanity and I dunno, sexual implications? xD Not for kiddies. But NO lemon or lime or whatever. It's all for the humor.

Oh and some inspiration came from a manga called Give Me Love. I don't own that. Or Naruto.

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Elevator

**Ch1: HER**

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"Shit, I'm late!" Sakura mumbled. She had a meeting at 3:30 PM and it was already 4:13... oh crap her boss was totally going to fire her. Or kill her. Actually, fire her would be worse because that'd mean she'd have to suffer the consequences of being unemployed and wander in the streets homeless, eating off the dumpsters...

She pushed the little "up" button another two zillion times, stomping her feet. Hurry hurry!

Ding-ding

Finally! Stupid elevator (but hey, she wasn't about to run up twenty flights of stairs... that'd only result in her not only being an hour late but also breathless and sweaty... ew.)

The door slid open and Sakura immediately ran in...

...only to find herself face to face with the last person she wanted to see.

Back up back up!! Get outta here!

But too late - the elevator doors had already closed.

"Uh, hi..."

"Hn."

Sakura swallowed nervously as she cursed God and His not-so-funny sense of humor. Of all of the peope in this building - and Konoha Corporation definitely had to have at least a few hundred employees - she had to be stuck in this goddamn slow, narrow, mirror-walled elevator (why the mirrors?? As if she needed an everyday reminder that her hair was uncombed or that her shirt made her look fat) with _him_. ALONE with _him_.

Oh God, why?!?

She pushed the button for "23" again... as if that would have made the elevator go any faster. His floor was 29th, she saw. Great. That meant she had to wait for the elevator to sloooooowly creak its way up to her floor to make her escape (she made a mental note to demand for new elevators at the next department meeting... meaning this one she was freakishly late for - oh the irony).

Sakura snuck a peek at the guy standing next to her. His dark bangs were hanging in front of his eyes so she couldn't really read his expression. But oh, it was him all right.

Same strange - yet all the same irresistable - messy bedhead hair that stuck up in the back of his head. Same tall, lean build. Same CLOTHES, even (same type of shirt and jeans anyway, as far as she could tell). Same pretty-boy _face_ with the high cheekbones and the chiseled jaw and -

Flashback

"Here we are..." said Sakura, heaving the heavy body onto the hotel room bed. He landed there and groaned, covering his head.

"That's what you get for drinking so much." Sakura rolled her eyes. Damn it why did she have to be the responsible person who got left with the drunk guy at the Christmas party for Konoha employees (more like sat at the bar and drank martinis alone like the loser she was so that in the end the bartender just looked at her and said, "You taking him [the guy half-passed out at the other end of the bar] home?" and she had no choice but to do so)? And since she didn't know where his house was she had to lug him into the nearest hotel (and had to pay all the stupid expensive bills)?

And of course the fact that he looked like a Calvin Klein model had no effect on her decision.

Whatever.

Sakura steadied herself on the table behind her; she obviously drank a little too many martinis herself. Anyway she thought, watching the sleeping face on the bed, that was really weird... that he would be getting drunk at the bar when he obviously had no reason to be. I mean, this guy was seriously _hot_. He should've been off dancing with the receptionist sluts instead of drinking himself to death like some pot-bellied old geezer.

Well we've all got our own problems I suppose... Sakura thought sadly remembering the reason why _she_ had been drinking martinis alone. Her boyfriend of five years -FIVE YEARS! - had just recently dumped her because he, quote "would rather have a girlfriend who wasn't a crazy workaholic" end quote. Apparently he was feeling rather "unloved."

Psssh unloved my ass! He was so obviously sleeping with that red-haired bimbo Karin the Secretary behind her back. He seemed to forget that they _worked at the same place_ and she wasn't blind to the many times he grabbed Karin's ass when he was supposed to be waiting for HIS GIRLFRIEND outside the building. Yeah, real smart.

Still... that workaholic thing really startled her and she admit, hurt her. Was she really such a coldhearted bitch who only cared about work? Come to think of it she couldn't remember the last time she even kissed her own boyfriend passionately. She couldn't even remember when she stopped _thinking_ loving thoughts about him... she was just too busy. Busy with work.

OH GOD SHE WAS A WORKAHOLIC!!!

"Hnn... I..."

Sakura jerked back to reality. The drunk guy spoke!!

"What's wrong? You want water?" She leaned close, trying to hear what he wanted to say. The guy's long-lashed, beautiful smoldering black eyes - shut up hormones - opened slightly, but it was clear he was still in a half-asleep mode. He opened his mouth again and mumbled something. "Say it louder I can't underst--aaaEEAAAAAH!"

...crap.

She was sprawled on the bed on top of him, his face buried into her neck. Face burning red, she tried to distangle herself but he still had one arm locked around her waist - the arm he used to PULL HER DOWN, pull her down ok??? He's the one making the first moves here, not her. Not that she really minds...

Oh man she needed to get ahold of herself. They were stangers for God's sake so this... positioning was quite embarrassing, and she did not need anyone accusing her of taking advantage of a poor semi-concious or semi-sane drunk guy.

"Uh look... I have to go, alright? So if you'd please let go---"

In reply, he rolled over so that she was now _under_ him instead of on top.

Wow. Great improvement to the situation.

"Hey, are you listeni---" Sakura said angrily, trying to push him off but no cigar.

"Don't leave me."

"---I have to- wait, what?"

Did the guy just spout a cheesy line from a pop song or was she hearing things? She blinked in confusion and looked up, and to her shock saw the drunk guy looking _down_ at her. He wasn't awake was he? But his eyes were definitely looking _at_ her, not through her... and she found herself unable to speak or move. Those eyes reminded her of her own eyes... lonely and maybe a little sad... he was leaning close now... his breath felt warm, his lips felt soft...

Sakura's eyes drifted close. She was tired... and this felt right, somehow...

_Ha, I can't be a workaholic... workaholics' hearts can't beat this fast..._

When she woke up, she was lying alone in the bed. All traces of him were gone. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up (her head hurt like shit from those martinis)... and realized her shirt was unopened.

Well at least her underwear was still on.

Oh wait. THAT DIDN'T MEAN A THING!!

Was it a one-night stand? Sakura couldn't even remember if they did it or not. All she knew was that she hoped never to see him again. Because hellooooo, _awkward _much??

End flashback

So welcome to the most awkward day of her life. -cough-

At least he hasn't said anything about it yet... Sakura thought with relief. Yeah, no wonder, he's probably more uncomfortable than I am and wants to act like nothing happened.. I mean, I _would_ be embarrassed if I were him. Poor guy...

"You can stop looking at me."

Sakura blushed. Oh great, I just made him more uncomfortable. "Sorry! I didn't mean---"

"I'm not pressing any charges."

"I know, it's so weird how---" She paused. "Hold up. What did you say?"

He glanced at her... boredly. Wait, what?? He was bored this whole time?? "Hn. You heard me."

"Pressing charges?! What are you talking about!"

He just shook his head like, _she's so dumb. No hope of getting through._

"Is this about that night when you---- you know!!" she said, blushing and fuming at the same time. _That's right!_ _I didn't want to but you made me go there!!! _

"Right," he said. Sakura exhaled; finally they were getting somewhere. "The night you kidnapped me and tried to rape me."

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Fwoosh. And Sakura exploded.

"_I_ TRIED TO RAPE YOU?? YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'KIDNAP', I WAS TRYING TO _HELP_ SOMEONE FOR YOUR INFORMATION ---"

Ding-ding

"---WHO WAS THE ONE WHO CAME ONTO _ME_, YOU SICK JERK! _I_ SHOULD BE THE ONE PRESSING CHARGES FOR RAPE! THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR PERVERTED, BIG STUPID DUCK-SHAPED HEAD IF YOU CAN'T EVEN GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT! I SHOULD HAVE JUST LET YOU DROWN TO DEATH IN YOUR TWENTY BOTTLES OF LIQUOR---"

"Ahem... Sakura?"

_I know that voice..._

Sakura turned and saw her boss standing there outside the elevator (the doors have already opened, and judging by everyone's shocked expressions for a long time). That's right: it wasn't just her boss watching her rant but everyone at the department meeting.

It can't get much worse than this.

"So... my point is, I think you need to refresh your memory because I most definitely did _not_ do... what you said I did. Thank you and goodbye."

She walked out of the elevator with as much dignity as possible. It was quiet as the World's Biggest Asshole pushed the little button and closed the elevator doors.

Then everyone started talking at once.

"Sakura I can't believe you just---"

"Do you even know who---"

"Late to the meeting is one thing, but saying that---"

"Did he really _rape _you?"

But Sakura was barely listening, only worried about one thing. She grabbed her boss Tsunade's arm. "I'm not fired am I?!"

"I'm not going to fire you..." said Tsunade, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Wheeeeewww!! Oh thank you thank you!"

"...but the company president is going to."

Sakura stared. _Huh?_

"You idiot," said Ino, the Queen of Gossip; she had that you're-so-out-of-the-loop tone right now. "You don't have a clue who you just yelled at do you?"

"I do know!" said Sakura defensively. "He's someone who works here. On the 29th floor... so that's the..."

_The President's office._

"He's Uchiha Sasuke," Ino informed her. "The President's son and our future boss?"

_...my life is just one fucked-up story isn't it._


	2. HIM

Awwww thanks you guys! Your reviews made me feel so warm and giggly you cannot even imagine. Now as a thank-you here comes Sasuke's part! hope I didn't get too carried away and make him OOC but it was just TOO much fun writing him. And of course I had to bring in Shikamaru and Naruto. i mean what kind of fic would it be without them? xD

Enjoy! (just so you know this is where the plot goes kinda crazy... lol)

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Elevator

**Ch2: HIM**

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_What was that crazy chick going off about?_ Sasuke was thinking as he waited for his floor to come up.

Contrary to what you may believe, he was actually serious when he said the "I won't press charges" thing. True, it was partly his ego talking (he did want to rile the girl up because... he likes riling people up). But it was also partly because he really DID think that she had kidnapped him and tried to rape him (he knows she couldn't possibly have ACTUALLY raped him... seduce him maybe but _no_ one could rape Uchiha Sasuke). I mean, what was he supposed to think? He woke up one morning in a random cheap hotel room (if he ever wanted to get laid in a hotel room it would be a FIVE-STAR hotel at the very least) with some pink-haired weirdo he's never met before asleep next to him.

Obviously his logical conclusion would be kidnap and attempted rape. It's not like it's never happened before (stalkers craving his body and/or wealth... he's seen it all).

The woman was clearly a liar, and a bad one at that. Saying something about drowning in liquor. Please, Uchiha Sasuke never gets drunk. And saying that _he_ came onto _her? _Yeah right. Girls are always after _him_ and he's the one who could never run away fast enough.

The elevator doors opened and he got off, pushing the stupid incident to the back of his mind.

_Now what could my dad want to talk about?_ Sasuke wondered. It had sounded urgent on the phone but knowing his dad, it was probably some lame business deal about coffee filters that he, as heir to Konoha Corp, was supposed to know about.

"Took you long enough teme!"

Sasuke looked exasperatedly at the blond blur jumping around before him. "Naruto, what are _you_ doing here?"

"Excuse me? I'm the security guard duh!!!" Naruto said, looking offended that Sasuke didn't remember.

Man do I regret the day I made him the "security guard"... thought Sasuke. But it was the only way he could shut his dumb friend from college and roomate up (the dobe had gone to him wailing about how the ramen restaurant he worked at burned down and how he wasn't going to stop clinging to Sasuke's leg until Sasuke gave him a job... didn't leave him with a lot of choice).

"You know that security guard thing was just a front. You don't actually have to be here... or be anywhere near me." You're annoying enough without seeing you 24/7... added Sasuke silently.

"Hey! I'm not getting free money from you ok! And you should know better - now that your old man's gone you shouldn't---"

"Wait. What?" Sasuke frowned (Naruto cringed guiltily). "My father's---?"

"That's right. He's gone."

Sasuke turned and saw Shikamaru, his father's chief financial officer standing there looking grim.

"Oh..." said Sasuke slowly. He cleared his throat, trying to look mournful. "So what was it? Heart attack? Overdose? Getting hit in the head by his golf club?" Inside he was doing a conga line. _No more business ta-alks! No more business dinn-ers! Finally I am freeeeee!!!_

"Don't worry, he's not _dead,"_ reassured Naruto. "He's just gone to Barcelona with your mom. On a cruise ship too... aww why couldn't they have taken me??"

Sasuke's jaw dropped. "The hell did you say?!"

"He's retiring," replied Shikamaru, shooting Naruto an annoyed look. "And you're officially inheriting the company as of today."

Sasuke just stared. "Yeah, everything makes _so_ much sense now," he said sarcastically.

"Why don't we all sit down," sighed Shikamaru. As he led Sasuke and Naruto into the conference room Sasuke could hear him mutter, "This is so damn troublesome..."

Sasuke resisted the urge to throttle the guy's neck. _He _thought it was troublesome? Try being in MY shoes!!

"Naruto, have Karin get me some green tea, my head hurts like shit..."

"Can't," said Naruto cheerfully. Sasuke glared. "Now don't look at me like that --- I can't 'cause she's not _here_. Left a note saying she's on the plane to Vegas with that silver-haired new boyfriend of hers - Suigetsu, right? She said she always wanted to get married dressed like Elvis."

_What is this, run-off-to-party-and-let's-just-leave-Uchiha-suffering-in-a-hellhole day?_

"Ok, take a seat,"said Shikamaru. And added to Sasuke, "You're going to need it."

Sasuke scowled.

"So as we were saying. Your father's leaving the entire company in your hands, starting today," said Shikamaru. "I've got it down on paper. You're already our boss."

"And I don't get a say in this?" said Sasuke acidly.

"Um, no. You're the sole heir after all. I mean, there's also your brother Itachi but he obviously got disowned a few years ago..."

"Oh yeaaaaah! Your bro's in that circus trapeze group Akatsuki isn't he? OMG teme can you get me an autograph, I'm like their number one fan - OW!!"

"Thanks," said Shikamaru, now looking at Sasuke with renewed respect.

"You're welcome," replied Sasuke, cracking his knuckles (Naruto cried in a corner). "Now continue. I know I'm the sole heir, blah blah blah - but why the hell did my dad suddenly retire without telling me?"

"Well... he probably didn't want you to know about it until he was safely on a cruise ship 500 miles away from you..." coughed Shikamaru.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "What. Are. You. Not. Telling. Me."

"Now don't get mad ok," began Shikamaru, avoiding Sasuke's wrathful eyes. "But after Itachi left... you know how much your father liked him... Anyway, your father fell into depression and the only way he could relieve his pain was by... gambling."

_Fuck don't tell me..._

"...and, well, he recently lost a big game and got into a lot of debt." Shikamaru paused. "With the Yakuza."

Sasuke face-palmed himself.

"But hold on, there's **good **news..."

"Everything you just told me was a joke?" tried Sasuke.

"No, sorry." Shikamaru opened his briefcase and reached in, rummaging around. "You see, there is a way for you to save the company and er, yourself. You know how I said he got in debt with the Yakuza? Well, that yakuza boss and your father negotiated and they came into a compromise."

Shikamaru slapped a photo onto the table.

"If you, Uchiha Sasuke, marry the yakuza boss's daughter, the yakuza will consider the debt paid."

Sasuke gingerly picked up the photo. "And if I don't?"

Shikamaru looked at him somberly. "I think you can imagine."

"LET ME SEE LET ME SEE!!" yelled Naruto, yanking the photo from Sasuke's hands. "Man a yakuza princess huh? I bet she's HOT---"

He gagged on his own spit.

"---ACCK--COUGH---she's... not THAT bad..."

"I am not marrying her," said Sasuke firmly, ignoring Naruto's cries of mirth. He didn't even want to look at that picture ever again. Let's just say that if they marry, he won't be able to survive their wedding night due to being squashed like a pancake by her weight. "I am _not_. Hell no."

"Come on, take one for the team," said Shikamaru sympathetically.

"NO. You know what, I don't give a shit about this company. I never wanted to be the heir. My father can disown me too for all I care - "

"It's too late. Your father already _settled_ the agreement. The yakuza knows your face. If they hear that you're backing out... unless you have a good reason you're just going to get a knife stuck in your chest, or fifty bullets put in your head - "

BAM. (The door slammed open.)

Sasuke, Naruto, and Shikamaru threw their hands into the air, expecting to see 15 badass men in suits with their guns drawn.

"LISTEN I'M REALLY SORRY SO PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME!!!"

Wait... a girl's voice?

Sasuke's eyes widened. It was the pink-haired elevator girl from before.

"I-I was disrespectful," she was saying, head bowed down. "And... uh... Oh! It was a misunderstanding so _please_ don't fire me - "

"Baby, what are you saying?"

Dead silence as Shikamaru, Naruto, and the pink-haired girl all froze and stared at Sasuke with their eyes hanging out of their sockets. Say WHAT? Did Uchiha Sasuke just say_ "baby"?_

"Come here," Sasuke said, taking the girl's paralyzed arm. He turned to the guys, smirking. "The reason I can't marry that girl isn't because I don't _want _to, but because I genuinely can't."

He put an arm around Elevator Girl.

"Meet my fiancée."

Sakura fainted.

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Next chapter: THEM

(a little excerpt)

Was he high on something? Sasuke only gripped her hand tighter.

"Marry me."

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Yeah, look forward to that! I'm currently working on the last chapter so rest assured this will be a completed fic. Yeah i really used my snow day to be productive huh? xD


	3. THEM

Meeeerrry Christmas (for those of you that celebrate it!) I'm... tired and I can't think of what I was going to say. Except thank you wonderful reviewers!! And oh yeah, this chap is short but NOT TO WORRY the next one (and the last chap) is loooooong. I apologize that the pacing went CRAZILY fast in this fic but trust me if I tried to write a long fic I would NEVER finish. So yeah. That is all. Enjoy! :)

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Elevator

**Ch3: THEM**

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"I don't agree."

"I'm not asking you to agree. You are either pretending to be my fiancée or you're fired. Choose one."

"You can't do this!! This is violating the law! I'm going to the police!"

"Then I'll just have to tell them about how you kidnapped me."

"I NEVER KIDNAPPED YOU!"

"Then why are you blushing?"

"....UGH, YOU PRICK!!!"

Sakura was currently wishing that she could punch the living daylights out of the goddamn Uchiha and wipe that condescending smirk off his effing face (who cared if she ruined his pretty features? It was all because of them that she'd ended up in this mess!!! Good-looking men suck!! Maybe she should become a nun). Oooh if only she didn't care about getting fired...

Or if only her wrist wasn't currently handcuffed to his...

"I... am... SO suing when this is over!" she hissed at Sasuke.

Sasuke just continued to smirk at her. What do you know, she's kind of cute when she's pissed off... You see, Sasuke couldn't help but be in a REALLY good mood. He knew how to take care of this dilemma. And he knew his plan was going to work.

Even if Shikamaru and Naruto didn't think so. But what did they know?

"Ok be quiet, I see them," muttered Sasuke. He turned his head a little, as if checking out his reflection in the cafe shop window next to them, but actually scanning the street. Yup, they were there. Two were watching him from a few tables behind where they sat. Another by the telephone booth. A few more in a shiny black car parked under the tree.

Yakuza men weren't exactly _slick_ were they... I mean the dark sunglasses are a dead giveaway.

"What 'them'?" demanded Sakura in frustration, ignoring the envious look the waitress shot her when she delivered the drinks. Apparently the waitress - and most of the female passerbys - were under the impression that Sakura was having a nice, lovely, romantic little date with her über-handsome boyfriend. How wrong they were. She shifted in her chair, trying to tug her hand out from underneath Sasuke's hand - and jacket, conveniently used to "shield" the handcuff - but no luck.

Sasuke just ignored her. Sakura gritted her teeth. At least _tell her_ everything that's going on before expecting her to help him goddamn it!!!

Here was what she knew: his father was abroad (so that meant she had no one to complain to), Sasuke was now the official CEO of Konoha Corp (this meant Sasuke had more power than she'd even first thought), and he needed her to pretend to be his fiancée or else (not that she had any choice in the matter... clearly considering the situation she was in).

But why did he need her, a stranger, to do something as ridiculous as that? What - or who - was he looking for? Why did his two friends back in the company building (before Sasuke _dragged_ her outside against her will) exchange meaningful glances when she asked what the hell was going on?

Yeah, sure. Just don't bother telling her anything else.

"I need to pee," declared Sakura. "Now I don't know about you but I somehow _don't_ think you'll enjoy coming into the women's bathroom with me... so take off the handcuffs." By the way that was real princely of him, handcuffing her while she was lying unconcious...

Sasuke turned around. Yes! Did her lie work?

"Sakura," he said, staring straight into her eyes.

"Um... what?" Sakura blinked, a little taken aback. Dude why was he suddenly projecting his voice like that... people were now ogling because of his loud voice. _Great_. And besides since when did they call each other on a first-name basis? She'd only told him her name (upon his command) like two minutes ago.

Sasuke leaned closer, taking her other hand (the one that wasn't handcuffed) with his free one. Sakura stiffened. _I don't like where this is going..._

"I love you."

Whaaaaaaaat? Ignoring the delighted gasps of the other people on the street, Sakura kicked Sasuke's shin under the table. Was he high on something? Sasuke only gripped her hand tighter.

"Marry me."

Sakura stared skeptically. "You have got to be jok---MMF!"

As they were kissing - and as all the people watching the spectacle started clapping and cheering - here was what went on in their heads:

Sakura: _Damn you, Uchiha and your ability to turn me into jell-o with those stupid (soft and amazing) lips!_

Sasuke: _Hn... is it just me or does this feel like major déjà vu... why do I all of a sudden have mental images of Christmas lights and Four Seasons hotel bed sheets?_

After what seemed to be like minutes (and maybe it was...) Sakura came to her senses and wrenched her lips away from Sasuke's. "Uchiha you----!!"

"Shh," said Sasuke quietly into her ear as he buried his face in her hair. _She smells familiar and... nice. Wait did I just think that?_ "We're being watched."

"No shit, sherlock - " flushed Sakura, aware of the cat-calls and whistles coming from all around them. She tried to pull away but no, his arm was now around her. Didn't this guy ever hear of personal bubbles?!!

"I mean there are certain _people_ watching us," said Sasuke with great emphasis. "So unless you want to get both of us killed, you better play along."

Sakura was so VERY confused. But what else was new? She frowned so much today she was going to get ten gazillion wrinkles when she was ninety. Thanks a lot Uchiha.

Sasuke, meanwhile, was sneeking a glance at the cafe shop window again. And what do you know. The _people_ were gone. Meaning the YAKUZA was gone! Just as he predicted, they gave up after seeing that he was already marrying somebody else!

He felt like whooping and dancing on the tables not unlike a sugar-high Naruto.

"Helloooo! Bastard, are you even listening?" Sakura was yelling when he tuned back in.

"Right, right," said Sasuke. He let go of her (reluctantly), pulled out the key in his pocket and unlocked the handcuff in one smooth motion. "You're free to go. Just don't forget, you're not allowed to tell anyone what happened or that it was an act."

"Don't _you_ forget your end of the bargain."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Was this woman a total workaholic or what? "No one is taking away your job."

Sakura got up grumpily, massaging her wrist. "Hmmph. I'm still suing, you know."

He laughed.

_Ok, that was unexpected..._ thought Sakura. _Who knew that guy could laugh? And who knew he had such a cute laugh?_

Sakura inner-slapped herself. What was she thinking!! Don't forget what I had to go through today because of him!! (All because he's a sadist who likes to propose to random girls for fun and has weird fantasies about killers "watching" him!! WTF!!!)

Sasuke sipped his tea, watching her curiously. Strange... what did those vague flashbacks mean when he kissed her? They were obviously from that night when she kidnapped him, and he knew that, so why was it still bothering him? No... there was something more to those flashbacks, something different, that he can't put his finger on...

"Anyway," said Sakura. "I don't ever want to see you again."

"Guess I can't blame you," shrugged Sasuke.

"S-so," said Sakura, turning on her heel. She hesitated. What happened to her anger from before? For some reason, she was feeling more mixed up than ever. Was she actually feeling a little bit disappointed to leave? That this was over? She pushed her hair behind her ear, trying to clear her thoughts. "So... this is goodbye."

"Yeah..." said Sasuke. For some reason he felt confused. He'd only used her and now that the whole thing was over, he didn't need her. So why did he feel... like he actually cared that she was leaving? "Yeah. It is."

The two looked at one another for the briefest moment.

Then -

"Bye."

And so they parted ways.

--

Shikamaru just shook his head.

"You do know that even though the yakuza boss won't kill you now for refusing to marry his daughter... we still owe a gigantic debt?"

"So? How big can it be? Worst case scenario I'll just go freeload off Itachi."

"No... bigger than that."

"What? You mean the debt's so big we can't pay it even if the company goes bankrupt? That the yakuza's gonna be after me for the money now?"

"..."

_Aw, fuck._

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Next chap (finale): AND THEY LIVED...

(RANDOM snippets)

After the company goes bankrupt, will you take care of my fish?

_What the fuck is that really cold thing digging into my scalp?_

"Are you..." The boss leaned forward in his chair. "...sterile?"

It was Sasuke's turn to faint.

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A/N: Just when you thought things couldn't get any more random right? O.O


	4. AND THEY LIVED

The finale... dun dun dun...

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Elevator

**Ch4: AND THEY LIVED...**

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"Sakura Sakura Sakura!!"

Cold shower because the heater broke (again). Was out of milk so only had dry bread for breakfast. Got gum stuck on the bottom of her high heels. Some old hobo tried to hit on her on the bus.

Translates into: not a very good morning for Sakura.

Which was why she didn't bother looking up at the sound of Ino's dramatic cries and continued to type her marketing report. Yup, workaholic - that's her.

"Ino, I _really_ don't want to hear about whatever happened in the janitor closet on the 2nd floor-"

"No, forehead-girl, this is SUPER big news!! All of our jobs are at stake! All of-"

"Ok I'm listening," said Sakura quickly, whirling around in her chair to face Ino. "_What_ about our jobs?"

Ino took a deep breath and sat down on Sakura's desk, fanning herself like she was about to faint. _Puh-lease,_ thought Sakura. _Been there, done that_. "So I was in the ladies' room, you know how it is--I have these really bad cramps when I'm menstruating-"

"Um, a little TMI!!" Sakura was used to Ino's lack of modesty, but does she seriously need to tell her co-worker something like that?

"It's alright, everyone else is out to lunch... anyway, I was just washing my hands and ready to leave when I heard voices outside the door. And guess who! Guess!!"

"Ino, if you don't get on with it I am going to staple this pencil to your blond eyebrows."

"Ok, ok!" Ino wrinkled her nose. "No need to get graphic. It was Nara Shikamaru, the financial guy, and I kid you not, UCHIHA SASUKE."

Sakura, who'd just taken a sip of water, choked when she heard the name. _Damn it just when I almost forgot about him..._

"Tell me about it," gushed Ino, misunderstanding Sakura's response. "What amazing luck. I've never even seen him in person even though he's our boss now... except for that time when you screamed at him in the elevator. By the way, how'd you manage to convince him not to fire you? Did you give him a sweet little kiss like I told you to?"

"What, no!!!" yelped Sakura in panic. _How did she find out?!? Did she see us?_ But "no" wasn't technically a lie because _he_ was the one who kissed her, not the other way around...

Sakura ducked her head so that Ino couldn't see her blush the color of a tomato.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I was just kidding," laughed Ino, much to Sakura's relief. "So back to the story. I heard them talking so I stayed put and eavesdropped. Can you blame me though? They sounded so _serious_. What if they were talking about how Sasuke had a fiancée or something, wouldn't that be the juiciest thing ever?"

Sakura laughed nervously.

"But boy was I wrong. The first thing I heard was Sasuke telling Shikamaru he was going into hiding soon. Shikamaru said something like, 'That's a good idea, I should do that too.' Then, believe or not, Sasuke said...

'After the company goes bankrupt, will you take care of my fish?'"

Sakura stared.

"I know!!" shrieked Ino. "He has a fish!! That is just so _adorable!!_"

Sakura opened her mouth. Then closed it. Ino was already a lost cause.

And besides, she had something a lot more important to do in a short amount of time.

Like catch that goddamn bastard Uchiha Sasuke before the lunch break was over and give him a piece of her mind, for example.

--

"I can't believe you're laying me off! What am I supposed to do for rent! What am I supposed to do for clothes? What am I supposed to do for FOOD!?!"

"First of all, the company's going bankrupt, so what did you expect. Second of all, none of your oncoming hardships is my problem, now is it. Third of all, will you _keep down _your friggin' voice?? What part of 'I'm trying to run away from the yakuza' do you not understand?"

Naruto pouted as Sasuke put the last of his bags into the trunk of the cab and checked his watch (CHEAP new watch, seeing as how he had to pawn his Rolex). His flight was in an hour. With the money from selling his Mercedes-Benz and his luxury penthouse he'd bought a non-stop flight to Tahiti and a bungalow there. It wasn't much but it was a start.

From here on out he was going to be living the life of a fugitive. It was a bittersweet feeling.

"Sasuke, man... I guess this is last time I'll see you for a while huh."

"Well yeah," said Sasuke. "I have to lie low for a couple years at least."

"I'm gonna miss you man. I know I'm a pain in the ass and all but truth is, you're the only true friend I've ever had."

Naruto sighed and started to go, his shoulders slumped dejectedly. Now Sasuke couldn't hear that and see that and _not_ feel bad. He just couldn't.

"Alright, look... this guy Hyuuga Neji owes me a couple favors and I hear he's looking for a bodyguard for his cousin who's an heiress so... seeing as how you have some experience as a security guard you can give him a call. Just tell him I sent you."

Naruto's eyes filled with tears. "Dude you're the best man!! I knew I could count on you!"

"Hey... stay back... I didn't say anything about hugging-"

Stepping back, Sasuke bumped into something. Something hard. And suddenly he felt - just _felt_ - an ominous presence behind him. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that a super large shadow covered the ground and blocked him from the cheerful sunshine.

"Uchiha Sasuke?" said a cold, scary male voice.

Cl-ick.

_What the fuck is that really cold thing digging into my scalp?_

"You're coming with us."

A burly hand reached over and grabbed his shoulder. Next thing he knew something dark was put over his eyes so that he couldn't see anything, but not before he caught a glimpse of the shiny, black metallic object pointing at his head.

Sasuke gulped.

As he was shoved into a van yakuza-style he heard the same cold voice ask Naruto, "Do you know him?"

"No-noooooo are you crazy? Never seen him before in my life."

At least Sasuke knew which "friend" he was coming back to haunt as a ghost.

--

"What do you mean, 'He's not here?!"

Shikamaru rubbed his temples tiredly. Why did troublesome things always happen to him... "It means what it sounds like - he's really not _here_. Search the whole floor if you'd like. He left ten minutes ago."

Sakura felt like throwing some furniture around. "Ok, but WHY did he leave? What does he want to hide from? Most importantly WHY the effing hell is this company going BANKRUPT?!"

"How'd you hear about that-?"

Sakura slammed both hands on his desk, causing everything on it to jump.

"I WANT ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM NOW!!!"

This time she really did grab a vase and throw it onto the floor.

"O... ok..." said Shikamaru, sinking low in his chair. "I'll tell you..."

--

Thud.

Sasuke landed painfully on his butt. He would have given his captors the finger but his hands were tied up. As were his legs and feet.

_These yakuza people really love going overboard don't they..._

From what he could gather from the conversations in the car (since his eyes were still blindfolded) he was brought here to see their boss. And from what it sounded like (and smelled like) they had taken him to an old, abandoned warehouse. Where no one would find his rotting corpse until months later. Is it just Sasuke or does this seem like a really cliché scene in some bad yakuza movie?

Sasuke would scream for help - to the hell with manly pride - but they'd also taped his mouth shut.

_Just peachy_.

"Boss, this is him."

"Take those things off."

Sasuke's heart soared with hope... but of course by "things" the boss just meant the blindfold and the tape - which, by the way, was ripped off very painfully so that he could face the yakuza boss with a funny pink rectangle around his mouth.

"Hmm, so you're Uchiha Sasuke."

The boss blew ringlets of smoke from his cigar, legs crossed and suit jacket draped casually over his shoulders. He was, like, the EPITOME of yakuza badass-ness. Sasuke felt a shiver all the way down to his toes.

"Uh," he said intelligently.

"Use 'sir' when you're addressing me, boy."

"Yes, sir," said Sasuke.

"And look at me when you're talking."

Sasuke, who had been trying to skim the room for an escape route, reluctantly directed his gaze at the yakuza boss. _20 men in the room, excluding those standing by the windows and the door, armed with guns and who-knows-what-else... yeah. I'm screwed._

"When's your birthday?"

Now his ears were playing tricks on him. "I'm sorry, what?" But noting the irritated glare in the yakuza boss's eyes, he hurriedy answered, "Uh - it's July 23rd... sir."

"Good, a Leo." The boss took another drag from his cigar. "Do you smoke?"

"No..."

"Do you drink?"

"...sometimes."

"Do you sleepwalk?"

"I don't think so..."

"Do you like children?"

"Sort of...?"

"Are you..." The boss leaned forward in his chair. "...sterile?"

"Um," said Sasuke. _Aren't these questions getting a little personal?_ "Not... not that I'm aware of."

The boss exhaled deeply and - did Sasuke imagine it? - looked extremely relieved. He leaned back again. "How many girlfriends have you had?"

Sasuke had no idea what was going on... but if it meant putting off a painful beating or a gory death, then he wasn't going to argue.

--

"...and that's why he left. He should be on the plane to Tahiti right now," finished Shikamaru.

Sakura was stunned speechless.

"SHIKAMARU!!! CRAAAAAAAP!! THIS IS BAD!!!!"

And who is it that just barged in... Naruto of course!!! He was pale and sweaty and had obviously just ran up twenty-nine flights of stairs.

"Sasuke... got caught... by t-the... yaku... you-know-what," he managed to say between desperate gulps for air.

Then he collapsed.

"Idiot, he could have just called me," sighed Shikamaru as he took out his cell. "Guess we'll have to notify the police..."

But before he could press the dial button, a hand reached over and snatched the phone away. It landed with a splash into Sasuke's fish bowl.

He looked up to see Sakura standing before him, a dazed expression on her face. "Let me see that photo."

"What---?"

"I SAID... let me see that photo."

Shikamaru was confused, but he didn't dare disobey a clearly mentally unstable Sakura. He reached into his briefcase and pulled out the photo that started it all - you know, the one of the really fat and ugly yakuza girl Sasuke was supposed to marry.

Sakura looked down at the photo.

And looked.

"Oh," she said. Her eyes grew wide. "_Ohhh._"

--

"What is my biggest flaw?" repeated Sasuke. He felt like scratching his head but then realized with a start that his hands were still tied up. "Uh... I'm... very..." he thought for a moment. "Bad at tennis."

The boss chuckled. "Yeah, me too. Can you believe you're not allowed to hit the opponent with the ball? Like what's the point of the game if no one gets hurt, ya know?"

"Exactly," said Sasuke. Seriously, who ever said buttering up a yakuza boss was hard?

"Ok, men, untie him. I'm satisfied with our talk. You're not a bad guy, Uchiha..."

_Hook, line, and sinker!!_

"...I'd say there's no reason to wait any longer. Let's have the wedding tomorrow."

Sasuke stopped smirking. "Wedding?"

"'Course," said the boss as if it was obvious. "Unless you wanted to marry my daughter today? But the preparations aren't ready yet..."

"W-wait!" said Sasuke. The yakuza men had already untied him but he was still unable to move from his spot, as his whole body seized up with fear. "I never said I was marrying your daughter!"

Silence.

"S-she's a lovely girl but..." said Sasuke hastily (suddenly he felt cold... very, very cold). "I'm already marrying someone else you see."

The yakuza boss's cigar hung limply in his mouth.

_Did I say something wrong...?_

"Get him."

Sasuke turned to see all 20 men close in on him with clubs, knives, katana, you name it... No no no, this was not how he wanted his last day on Earth to be... He was still so young!! Please God - somebody - an angel - save him!!!

"**STOP IT!!!**"

The door to the warehouse burst open and three figures came rushing in. Sasuke could make out the silhouette of Shikamaru's pine-apple hairstyle and Naruto's spiky head but who was that third person...?

"I said stop it!! Drop your weapons!"

Sasuke finally recognized the angry voice. Haruno Sakura?? That elevator girl??? Is she crazy?! He shut his eyes and grimaced, expecting to hear her terrified shriek any moment when they grab her.

"Young miss!"

"Yay you're back!"

"Woah! It's the young miss!"

"Sweetie! Daddy missed you so much!!"

...._WHAT?_

When Sasuke opened his eyes, he found himself a witness to the most shocking scene in the history of mankind: 20 scary buff men with tattoos on their back and scars on their face cheering and hugging each other with joy... and their boss, his cigar lying forgotten on the floor, hugging Haruno Sakura while sobbing like a baby.

"Dad... please stop... you're embarrassing me," said Sakura.

It was Sasuke's turn to faint.

--

_Three weeks later..._

"Shit, I'm late!" mumbled Sakura. She pushed the elevator button another fifteen thousand times, stomping her feet impatiently.

Ding-ding

About time! She thought and ran inside, only to find herself face-to-face with the last person she wanted to see...

"Oh... hey."

"Hn."

Sakura rolled her eyes and leaned back against the wall as the elevator began to go up. "Let me guess. You went to get drunk."

Sasuke hmmph-ed and crossed his arms. "Let me guess. _You_ went to get drunk."

"Ha, not quite. I tried to get drunk but one of my dad's guys caught me. I swear he's got even more people tailing me now."

They were quiet for a few moments.

"You know, I still can't believe you did _that_," said Sasuke. "If you hadn't gotten a stupid picture of some fat woman off the internet and tried to pass it off as you, none of this would have happened."

"Hey, I thought my dad wanted me to marry some perverted old geezer so of course I had to do that! You're the stupid one, thinking proposing to some random girl you meet was going to work."

"It's not my fault you barged into my office at the wrong time. It's also not my fault that you were worried about losing a stupid job when your father was the head of a _yakuza_."

"I was trying to cut off my ties with that!! But because you got yourself kidnapped I had to go and save you from my _dad_ and now I can't get him, or the yakuza, out of my life."

"Well, you tried to rape me that time." (Sasuke was out of comebacks so might as well return to that one.)

Sakura smiled. She knew she won. "Actually, YOU tried to rape me that night when you were drunk. Naruto told me, ok? That you come onto girls - and guys - when you're drunk."

She couldn't help but giggle at his expression.

"Wait... what are you doing?" she said in alarm as Sasuke stepped closer. "My dad has taught me a couple moves so don't think I'm defenseless you know!!"

Sasuke grabbed her waist. "Oh...? But are you defenseless to this?" He leaned in and...

Ding-ding

When the elevator doors opened, Sakura and Sasuke were greeted by loud cheers and applause. Not that they were aware of it (being too absorbed in other things... hint hint).

Naruto was happy. "Oh good! The bride and groom are here! Can we cut the cake now?"

Shikamaru was happy. "Whatever as long as the company isn't going bankrupt and I'm the new CEO..."

Ino was happy. "About time Sakura! Get that cherry popped! Damn I need to get myself a hubby fast (can't let forehead beat me)..."

Sasuke's dad was happy. "This isn't as good as Barcelona but oh well!! Pachinko parlor here I come!"

Sakura's dad was happy. "Sasuke, if you two-time my precious darling I'll have my men come and stab you in your sleep! Oh and I want grandchildren fast so get a room already."

"Shall we...?" Sasuke asked Sakura.

"It _is_ our damn wedding night..." she said.

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END

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**A/N: in case you didn't get it (dunno if i made it clear enough) Sakura ran away from home (moved out and stopped contacting her family) and that's why she was so afraid of losing her job... and the picture that the yakuza gave to Sasuke was swapped by her secretly, replaced with a random pic on the internet... and now that the whole confusion has cleared the two are married and the company didn't have to go bankrupt... and Shikamaru's the new CEO because Sasuke married into the yakuza family (and plus he didn't want to be the CEO anymore)... and Sasuke and Sakura both went out to get drunk wanting to ditch the wedding reception... but then realized maybe marrying with each other isn't so mad.**

**WHEW!**

**This is the end of a short (but crazy) journey and I'm so thankful for all the reviews. Cheers to Nameless Blossom by the way for figuring it out (gosh darn... guess I wasn't as sneaky with the plot twist as I thought XD).**


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